oh dear what can i do baby's in black and i'm feeling blue tell me oh what can i do

I really want to be back in Kenya. I'm not miserable here, but I feel completely useless. The only good I am accomplishing back here is simply sending money to the people over there. I don't like the person I've slipped back into being over here. I liked being so many miles away from anyone and every one. I wasn't distracted by friends, school, and going out. All that mattered were the people there. I feel like I've completely abandoned them, and I am a horrible person for it. I love my friends here ( I am so lucky to have them), but I know I'd give everything up to be back in Kibera- and consequently I just can't find the urge to pursue anything with anyone.  I got into Arcadia which is probably the best opportunity I've ever been given. I should be really happy- and I was for a few hours, and then I slumped into some crappy mood I haven't been able to get back out of. Getting into this program means I won't be able to move to Kenya for 3 years- although I can arrange to go there for 16 weeks during rotations. I can't believe I left all those people like Cyprian, Jackie, Lucy, Betty, and all the kids at the orphanage. I'm a jerk. That's all for now- is that good for speaking my mind Pat?